~Opening your heart in Nepal~

As I was leaving Vietnam I realized I still had a aching to see something else. I had been thinking of Nepal ever since I left India and although I'd done considerably waaay too much backtracking on my trip I decided to head to the Himalayas. On a sold out flight I looked around and noticed something so strange... There weren't any other women on board! I sat stiff and awkward with the stares of 50 men burning through my skull. I was unsure if I had made the right decision heading to Nepal by myself. No one spoke to me, just blank stares. I pretended to read my book, which I know is ridiculous to pretend because it takes less effort to just read the damn thing, but alas i was nervous and imagining myself in a country with no women! Last woman on earth? Could it be? Or did Nepalese women never leave the house? That seemed more plausible. Once off the plane and in an airport that looked less like an airport than my garage does I headed for immigration. Standing in line were 2 young guys looking very confused with the paperwork. I offered to help and in an instant I had 2 new friends. Bertrand and Matthew from Belgium. After finishing my form I asked if they wanted to split a cab because my memories of India had me a little scared to venture out to the cabby line by myself. They agreed and I told them we'd meet outside when they were through. As I emerged outside the tiny airport men started swarming me asking "taxi..taxi..taxi." No I said abruptly seven or eight times. The rest of the men backed away but three stayed. Where you go? they asked. Where you stay? Where you from? You come with me? I took a deep breathe and told them "no thank you I don't need a ride!". One stayed..and wouldn't leave my side. As I waited outside for my two new friends sitting on the sidewalk with this strange man now sitting next to me and a small crowd gathering and staring at us....i thought...is this really my life? And had to laugh. Once the boys came out the men started swarming us again. We finally bartered a good deal from a young cab driver. As we walked away with him the other cabbies were yelling at us."Don't trust him." They said. "He's not even a cab driver!!"We decided to go with him anyway because the other men were just so aggressive I couldn't imagine getting in their cars. Moments like this really mess with my head. People yell things at you, tell you not to do this or that..trust me! Not him!..it's all very disturbing when you're trying to catch your bearings in a strange place. The truth is you really just have to hope the person you listen to is a little more honest than the person you didn't. After getting over the initial feeling of "wow this looks just like India" I started to really like Nepal. The people were similar to people in India but somewhat less harsh and overall they just seemed happier. I also didn't have a single groping incident in Nepal so that gives it a few more points. Oh ..and there were plenty of women once I left the airport ;)

Chitwan National Park: Elephants roamed the streets in the town of Chitwan. They were painted with the most beautiful makeup circling their eyes big beautiful swirls around their ears. Everywhere we looked decorated elephants with little men riding on top lined the roads. It's amazing how quiet elephants are considering their size! I awoke early one morning and took a walk through town. I heard this tiny little bell but since the sound was so quiet I ignored it. I continued down the road but had a funny feeling. I turned around just in time to see a giant elephant right behind me! I couldn't even hear him coming.The Nepalese man on his back gave me an annoyed stare. I jumped out of the way and sat in the road laughing. I almost got run over by an elephant..really? The boys and I canoed down crocodile infested waters, hiked through the jungle searching for rhinos, and slept in a tower in the middle of the jungle. Totally surreal.

Lumbini-The birthplace of Buddha:

Now I have to say Lumbini isn't the most exciting place to visit. It's a very very small town. But it does house the birthplace of Buddha. Which to our surprise was just a tiny little stone encased in glass. But on the grounds there were these beautiful giant trees with prayer flags hanging from every branch. Some looked to be 100 years old! It was absolutely beautiful. After walking around looking for monasteries all day we returned to our guest house only to have hundreds of Nepalese people out in the streets and HUGE sound systems set up with a stage! We asked a man "What's happening?" He responded with a huge grin "Dance party!"And although i was expecting something a little different it turned out to be a big talent show! Our guest house was worried about violence so wouldn't let us out to actually dance..but we got to watch it from the balcony. People were crowding the streets, sitting in trees, climbing up onto rooftops. It was amazing to see everyone so happy! The whole town seemed to be watching. Here is a video...impressed? I was!

I felt a strong connection to Nepal, which is why I ended spending an entire month instead of just a few weeks. And it's amazing how things just seem to fall into place at the right moments. I woke every morning at 6am with no alarm feeling refreshed and ready for the day. I started having these vivid dreams of people while I was away. Every morning I awoke and remembered every detail of my dreams. For the most part I started dreaming of
people I hadn't thought of in a long time. People who I'd lost touch with over the years and others I felt I had wronged and never made right. The dreams kept coming. I had this realization that subconscious or not I was holding onto things that I needed to let go of. So I sat down and wrote. I wrote poems, thoughts, and letters to the people in my dreams. I felt so light after and wondered why anyone holds onto these harsh feelings in the first place. Pride maybe or denial. I know both were true for me. It was incredibly freeing.

Suze and I met in a yoga retreat in the hills of Pokhara. After leaving the retreat together we were in search for decent yoga classes in town. We found Om Family Yoga Center and Suze decided to be the guinea pig and try it out first. As she went off to her first class I sat on our little balcony and read. It was a beautiful morning. As Suze floated back from her yoga session she was all aglow. She had an amazingly spiritual practice and felt so deeply connected to the teacher that she was glowing with absolute bliss. It was the first time yoga had brought her to that deeper level. It made me remember the first time I had felt that way. Even sitting next her you could feel her energy and her gratitude for this class, this teacher. After the class on her walk home this amazing guest house jumped out at her and we'd been looking for one all morning. Things just seemed to be falling into place for her. So after witnessing this transformation I decided to have some energy work done from the teacher. I sat in a white room with a pad on the floor with white sheets draped over it. He was seated in a folder chair in all white robes. As I lay on the floor he ran his hands over my body making these strange sounds. His hands were incredibly hot to the touch. As he moved over my chakras I laid there with my eyes closed not sure what to expect. Mostly I was pretty nervous because although many of my friends have had energy work done, this was my first time. Once the session was over he asked me to sit in a chair facing him. We sat...in silence..for what seemed like an eternity! He stared at me and I at him..him at me..I at him. He started speaking very slowly. He would stop mid sentence and close his eyes almost unaware I was in the room. He seemed to be looking into his own head.

Once the speaking continued he told me something that made me sink. "Your heart Chakra is closed. Completely closed. It makes no noise." I stared at him blankly. He knocked on the wall. "The wall makes noise" He knocked on his chair "The chair makes noise. But your heart. It makes no noise. It has been closed for a long time." I sank back into my chair not sure what to say. It felt like such a cruel thing to say. It couldn't be true. Or could it? He said he wanted to continue doing energy work for the next three days but I just couldn't agree to it. My heart is closed? My first instinct was to say he's wrong. He's a fraud and just wants to take advantage. True or not it made me think. As I got back to our room I sat with Suze and told her what had happened. I sat with this image of a closed heart for days after the reading. I spoke with the woman from my yoga retreat about it and I spoke to a woman who does energy work as well.They all assured me this can't be the case and that they can sense my heart from the moment we met. It opened up this conversation about spirituality and healing. They spoke of healing techniques that I had never even heard of before. More than anything I noticed that these women from all over the world all had ways of healing and opening their hearts. One woman told me it took her years to grieve over her past and really love life again. It had me thinking of ways to balance and center my life to stop thinking with my head and take some time to really focus on my heart. I did meditations on the heart chakra and did my yoga while trying to really be present and open. And with all the love I acquired in Nepal I realized...if this hasn't opened my heart nothing will, because the people I've met here are truly insightful, and loving, and free. So the reading wasn't a waste..it was a wonderful blessing.